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Sunday, December 25, 2005

No Controlling Legal Authority

Under the imperial presidency, in the not-too-distant-future:
"White House Counsel John Hinderaker has conclusively demonstrated that, since there has never been a legal challenge to a President's decision to run for a third term, there is no controlling legal authority in this area."

By that logic, it becomes a short Humpty-Dumpty hop to:
The world has never hit peak in the past, therefore no one can demonstrate how and if it can actually happen.
Why must we have a Patriot Act? Why pretend to have a detailed energy policy in any case? The powers in charge will just end up adapting to what amounts to The Queensberry Rules as they go along.

Marquess of Queensberry Rules (modified)

  1. To be a fair stand-up boxing match in a twenty-four foot ring or as near that size as practicable. However, since the GWOT changed everything, you can run but you cannot hide.
  2. No wrestling or hugging allowed. Too gay.
  3. The rounds to be of three minutes duration and one minute time between rounds. This will establish the cadence "Bring it on" followed by "Hey, not so fast!".
  4. If either man fall through weakness or otherwise (except for peanuts, mountain bike, Segway, etc), he must get up unassisted, ten seconds be allowed to do so, the other man meanwhile to return to his corner; and when the fallen man is on his legs the round is to be resumed and continued until the three minutes have expired. If one man fails to come to the scratch in the ten seconds allowed, it shall be in the power of the referee to give his award in favour of the other man.
  5. A man hanging on the ropes in a helpless state, with his toes off the ground, shall be considered down. We do not Torture.
  6. No seconds or any other person to be allowed in the ring during the rounds. On the other hand, sloppy seconds and "do-overs" permitted, because, hey, Clinton did it.
  7. Should the contest be stopped by any unavoidable interference, the referee (is) to name the time and place as soon as possible for finishing the contest, so that the match can be won and lost according to a computerized voting system, unless the backers of the men agree to draw the stakes (which will be overseen by one Wm. Bennett).
  8. The gloves to be fair-sized boxing gloves of the best quality and newly purchased from Halliburton.
  9. Should a glove burst, or come off, it must be replaced to the referee's satisfaction. Otherwise, you go to war with the army you have.
  10. A man on one knee is considered down, and if struck is entitled to the stakes. A man on two knees signifies the kissing of Lord Rove's privates and gets a do-over, c.f. rule #6 -- sloppy seconds covered by a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.
  11. No shoes or boots with springs1 allowed. Lasers? Permitted, as the framers were strict constitutionalists.
  12. The contest in all other respects to be governed by the revised rules of the London Prize Ring (TBD) and the No Child Left Behind Act (aka "voluntary" enlistment)

1 ... from Africa ...


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