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Thursday, April 28, 2005

I've seen chunks of guys smarter than that in my stool

Televised press conference
BUSH: One of the great sources of energy for the future is liquefied natural gas. There's a lot of gas reserves around the world. Gas can only be transported by ship, though, when you liquefy it, when you put it in solid form.
B.S. can come in solid or liquid form; although nature prefers the former, the latter comes conveniently packaged as diarrhea. Unfortunately, once it starts, it becomes hard to contain. As a prophylatic against a further case of the runs, maybe our president should pickup a textbook. Instead of The Pet Goat, I suggest Bush read a classic text on condensed matter physics called States of Matter. Written by David Goodstein, CalTech professor and vice provost, it would give Bush remedial education on concepts of which the "reality-based" community finds rather intuitive. Once Bush finishes this book he can graduate to Goodstein's treatise on our current energy predicament called Out of Gas (The End of the Age Of Oil). The latter text basically follows from the former -- the two taken together form a primer on the concept of WMD (World's Mass Depletion).

However, the vanity of small, stupid men like Bush will never allow them to face the facts:
Fourth, we must help growing energy consumers overseas, like China and India, apply new technologies to use energy more efficiently and reduce global demand of fossil fuels.
Never will BushCo acknowledge that we too need to conserve. However, suggesting that other countries conserve and improve their own efficiency issues frames the administration as NotCarter. BushCo would absolutely hate to see themselves turn into Jimmy Carter. How embarrassing. They detest seeing Carter still alive as these events transpire. How crushing to their vanity -- to realize that Reagan has died while Carter still lives and breathes. Carter still alive to see energy depletion come to fruition gnaws at their craw. The precious mustn't remind the citizenry of President Carter and what he tried to convey.
BUSH: That's a cheap shot.
Maybe so, but you gotta admit, it'll get some cheap laughs and mordant chuckles.


Professor Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, caught that one about the liquefied doodoo states of matter.

The brilliance of Bush is that he brazenly embraces his mathematical and scientific illiteracy. Coming soon to your bookstore: Fuzzy Math and the States of Matter, An Advanced Treatise by George Wrong-is-Right Bushbuster

3:52 AM  
Professor Blogger Big Gav said...

Does this mean its late afternoon in America now ?

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9:52 PM  

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