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Monday, September 20, 2004

Coverup? You decide!

I have a feeling the Detroit automakers are behind the Kryptonite lock "expose". Having never had a bike stolen, and using the U-shaped locks (or lock, as these things last) exclusively for over 20 years, I am a bit incredulous over the spread of the lock-picking news. I tried the technique on my own trusty lock, and discovered the recommended BIC pen was not even a close fit.

I claim this story is a forgery of a coverup of a whitewash of a fraud, sponsored by automakers and the oil industry, who are quaking in their boots over the rapid spread of oil-independent grass-roots organizations such as Critical Mass and the longevity of loose-knit coalitions comprised of school-children bicycle commuters.

Either that or the "lock backdoor" is a slimy part of the Patriot Act. Realizing that Kryptonite locks have long been a part of non-violent protests over the years, finally The Man has found a clever way to subdue their adversaries quickly and painlessly. A group of environmentalists locked to fences is no match against an army of bureaucrats armed with BIC pens.


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